


whispered words (and sticky veins)

by SinkorSwim



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, M/M, it's like sort of a 5+1, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 15:16:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4751096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinkorSwim/pseuds/SinkorSwim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>liam payne had never done anything special.</p>
<p>(and then he meets zayn malik.)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>* * *</p>
<p>or,</p>
<p>five times liam finds zayn, and the one time zayn finds him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	whispered words (and sticky veins)

**Author's Note:**

> yo idk i wrote this 2 years ago and was like fuck it may as well post this
> 
> i dont like how fast it moves or how its told really but im paying tribute to my 16 year old self and posting it lmao have fun *pours some out for the younger me*
> 
> ok also like this is literal bullshit the more i read over it the more i realize that it presents abusive relationships and leaving them and savior-ish bullshit really badly but like??? idk. if ur ever involved in something likes this, on liam or zayns end do not handle it how it's handled in this fic obvi obvi pls.

liam had never done anything special. he life was a routine. simple. he went to work monday through thursdays and sometimes on sundays. he had computer class on wednesday nights and on saturdays he went to the grocery store.  

clockwork.

 

liam payne had never done anything special.

 

(and then he meets zayn malik.)

\----

-5

\----

 

the first time liam sees zayn, it’s hot.

 

the sun beats down on the grassy field, as liam dribbles the football between his feet. he was never that great at footie, more interested in cross country or track and the peace they provided, the stability of running around a track and the sharp crack of the starting gun through the air signalling the start of a race always seemed to appeal to him more.

 

but here he is, playing footie with his lads in a rare sparkling, sunlit day in the middle of fucking london. niall is chasing him down, and really, they are the only two lads playing, louis is too busy fonding at his boy, watching harry trip over his feet as he tries to catch up to niall, to be any real help to liam at all.

 

and liam loves them. loves the way louis is completely arse over tits for harry, loves how he looks at him like he is the moon and the stars and his whole world and harry returns the look in kind, looking at louis like he is the sun and warmth and summer. he loves them. and he loves niall and gemma and the way they look at each other like they are the only ones in the entire world who understand each other, like they are each other’s universe. but. sometimes liam just wanted something else. wanted to not be the constant fifth wheel, the constant extra person looking in like a stranger on someone else’s life. maybe he’s feeling a bit sorry for himself.

 

(only when he’s sat alone on saturday night, watching sky sports and wishing he had something else. someone else, maybe.)

\----

 

niall grabs liam by the shirt and lunges for the ball, but liam twists free, giggles, and runs straight down the field smiling over his shoulder at niall. “nice try mate” he shouts, racing towards the goal when-

 

“shit, liam watch ou-” and then liam is flat on his face, feet tangled and stuck beneath something, with dirt in his mouth.

 

he can hear niall laughing. come to think of it, it seems as if lou and harry stopped staring at each other long enough to see liam’s epic fall. he lets his head fall back on to the ground as his face grows hot. these types of thing always seem to happen to liam.

 

“umm mate. you. you’re kinda sitting on um, me. sorry.” liam scrambles to feet because

 

_shit you just landed on someone how much more of twat could you possibly be-_

 

(and then he looks up.)

\----

see the thing about zayn malik is that he isn’t like the moon or the sun or the universe at all.

 

zayn malik is like the smell of sea water or the wind that blows before a storm.

 

he’s like the air liam breathes or the brown leaves that fall from broken, gnarled branches in the fall.

 

so yeah, louis might have a moon and harry might have the sun and niall and gem might have the universe but.

 

with zayn, liam could have everything else.

 

(liam thinks this may be what love at first sight feels like).

\----

 

“shit mate i’m so sorry, I didn’t even see you y’know? I’m playing footie with my friends right mate? and I just wasn’t looking where I was going I am so sorry you’re not hurt are you? I can totally take you to the hospital ma-”

 

“woah dude, hey calm down.” the boy cuts off liam’s nervous rambling, chuckling, taking in liam’s beet red face and hysterical friends, “i’m really ok. i’m really fine.” liam reaches his hand out to help him up.

 

and you know in the movies when hands touch and it’s like everything before that point was black and white and suddenly, finally, everything is in color and focused and brighter.

 

liam’s world was gray scale before their fingertips touched. he’s sure of it. it’s as if their intertwined hands sparked a fire in liam’s heart. his mind is just a litany of who is this boy and where did he come from and how can i get to know him. liam stares at him, eyes wide and sparkling. the boy stares back. the sounds around them seem to go mute and it’s just the two of them, just them in a bubble of light surrounded by darkness.

 

“i’m um. i’m liam. payne. liam payne.” liam breathes the words out like a prayer, a prayer for what, he isn’t sure.

 

“liam.” the boy murmurs, “i’m zayn. malik.” and fuck, everything about this boy is perfect. and somehow liam feels like this is it. it’s it for him. he’s found the thing, the person, he had been looking for his whole life. he’s done looking.

 

and then liam’s on the ground again with three heavy bodies laughing at him and pinching him for being such a big oaf.

 

“get off me you twats, i’m trying to apologize.”

 

when he finally gets his stupid friends off of him, zayn’s gone.

 

(and all liam can think is that he wished he’d tripped and fallen sooner.)

\----

 

the lads tell liam to forget about the strange boy in the park.

 

(liam doesn’t forget, doesn’t think he could forget. he spends the night wondering just how real soul mates could be.)

\----

-4

\----

 

the next time liam sees zayn, it’s different.

 

because this time zayn doesn’t have a calm, post-sleep haze surrounding him. this time he is hunched down and jumpy and waiting.

 

(it’s different.)

\----

 

“oi wanker you finished the milk so you have to go buy more.”

 

“but niall, there was barely any left you and gem dran-”

 

“doesn’t matter you finished it, go buy more mate, i don’t make the rules you know!” niall is chipper and smiling maniacally at liam, ignoring liam’s scoff of indignation because actually yes niall does make the rules. “come on liam! I’m sorry I’ll bring you some of those little cakes back from gems tomorrow if you just go by some bloody milk. i’m busy.”

 

“niall, you are playing mario galaxy, i hardly think you’re busy.”

 

“liam please mate i am about to fucking beat this mate, I can sense these things you know. please.” and then niall’s furby eyes are out and liam’s a goner.

 

(liam huffs when he walks out the door letting it slam behind him ignoring niall’s shout of “i’ll bring you back two whole cakes liam! I won’t even take a single bite!”)

\----

 

liam pulls his jacket tighter around him as he nears the shops. the air is crisp, cutting into him like a butter knife, dull and constant. liam wishes the sun could come out again. can’t help the way his thoughts seem to wander back to the sunny day in the park where liam’s world seemed to brighten so suddenly and so drastically that everything since seems just tad less important

 

and then liam feels creepy. it’s not like he’s actively looking for zayn. he’s not looked him up on on facebook or done a weird google search or anything. it’s just.

 

zayn’s face had whispered secrets into liams skin, crawled into his veins and stuck along the edges of his heart. liam catches himself thinking of dark hair and eyes that speak more words than liam could even take in. he wakes up with those eyes on his mind and zayn’s voice in his body.

 

liam catches himself thinking of zayn all the time, and he doesn’t even know zayn at all.

 

(but, oh, he would like to. more than anything.)

\----

 

liam walks into the shop and heads straight for the milk. niall texts him just as he reaches for  two bottles, whining about how  _liam pls we don have any crisps ! we dont have any biscuits either ! anne and harry are comin over tnite w/ gem i havta make sure H doesnt hate me again ! pls ur a mate._

 

liam grumbles and stumbles towards the choco biscuits he saw near the front of the store when something catches his eyes.

 

and there standing in front of an aisle of bandages is that sharp jaw and bright eyes that seemed to carve their name into liams skin and whisper it’s dreams into liams fingertips.

 

(fate.)

\----

 

“zayn?” the boy starts and spins around shoulders curling in around himself, dropping whatever he was holding. he looks up at liam through his hair and relaxes when he sees who it is.

 

“liam” he whispers. and then liam really takes him in. zayn has a split lip and a bruise on his left cheek. he is holding painkillers in one hand and the other hand is swollen, red and white and far bigger than it should be. at zayn’s feet lies a package of bandages. liam worries his bottom lip and stares at zayn for a moment before walking slowly towards him.

 

“zayn... um. do you need help with your wrist? I could wrap it for you?”

 

(and zayn stares at liam for moment before he sighs, nods, and liam feels his stomach knot up and twist inside him. what happened to him? )

\----

 

liam grasps zayn’s wrist gently in his own hand, wrapping the bandage slowly and meticulously around the swollen skin.

 

zayn is silent, grunting softly when his hand twinges in liam’s gentle hold. liam glances up at him tentatively, questioning eyes trying to catch zayn’s wary glance.

 

“I just fell you know?” zayn begins softly, “I was stupid, tripped over my own feet was about to fall right down the stairs but tristan, my boyfriend, caught me at just the right time. he was going to buy me this stuff, but. he’s busy, you know how it is. i’m not even tha-”

 

“hey mate, it’s alright yeah? you don’t have to explain yourself to me.” liam drags a soothing hand down zayn’s arm stopping right above his wrist. their eyes connect, and.

 

it’s like they’re all alone again. like there isn’t a bustling store right behind them, like the wind hasn’t picked up, like everything surrounding them has faded out.

 

liam slowly raises his hand, gently sliding his thumb across zayn’s bruised cheek.

 

“you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, alright?”

 

and zayn stares at liam like he had never heard anyone say those words to him before. they stare at each other, neither looking away. and it’s like if they stop looking they won’t ever find each other again. like them meeting this way doesn’t make sense in the first place. like it’s all a trick of the light. they’re startled out of their reverie when liam’s phone starts to buzz incessantly. zayn jumps and takes a step away from liam. whispers,

  
“thank you liam. really um. thanks.” and walks away, feet scuffing the ground and shoulders turned in against the wind. and liam thinks he could never look smaller.

 

liam watches him go, watches this boy who he barely knows, this boy that has some how made liam want to be better and worse, go . his phone buzzes again.

 

_liam mate i know im a right wanker can you get some almond milk ?? when did h start another health kick a swear !? liam pls, gotta impress the fam1!!_

 

liam sighs and turns back towards the shop, the boy with the bruised cheek still lingering in his head.

 

(liam needs to find him again. liam needs to do something.)

\----

 

it’s not until he get’s home does it register with him that zayn has a boyfriend.

 

(and liam feels his heart fall out of his chest)

 

\----

-3

\----

 

liam almost wishes he hadn’t found zayn the next time.

 

at least not like this.

 

(never like this.)

\----

 

“heyyy my face does not look like an angry frog, does it babe. lou? louis!” niall cackles and bumps liam with his elbow.

 

liam smiles wanly, but he’s not really paying much attention to them if he’s honest. he has dark hair and bruised cheeks on his mind and he can’t be bothered to pick a place to eat or think about whether or not harry has a face like a frog. he can’t bring himself to even fake a laugh. niall stops laughing and narrows his eyes.

 

“liam, man, you have been a miserable wanker since I sent you to get milk, come on what’s the problem?” the lads have all turned to look at him now. well. niall’s looking at him, louis looking at him, and harry’s looking at louis looking at liam, and yeah liam thinks harry does have a weirdly frog-like face when you look.

 

liam huffs out a breathe, watches it swirl away like smoke in the cold night air. he loves his boys, he does, it’s just. it’s hard to deal with them sometimes. and then he realizes that it’s not just zayn that has him feeling a bit uninterested with the boys tonight, it’s everything. it’s the fact that it’s hard to look at them without seeing himself as that extra person who just tags along whenever they go somewhere. it’s the fact that liam spends more lads nights alone than with the lads and it’s the fact that he feels horribly guilty for feeling frustrated with them. it’s just. liam is lonely and they don’t get it. can’t grasp the idea that liam might want to something more than late nights at a seedy pubs, and footie matches, and family dinners with families that liam doesn’t feel a part of.

 

and then there’s zayn. liam feels like complete and utter mess.

 

“bro. liam come on, what happened?” now even harry’s looking at him, and they all look the same, curious, worried, and somehow absolutely annoying to liam.

 

“nothing. guys. nothing.” they all quirk an eyebrow at the same time and, well, that’s a bit scary.

 

“it’s just. it’s nothing alright? I just. like I love you lads alright? and I love gem. but. I just feel a bit like an extra all the time. I don’t. I’m just being needy. I swear.” liam turns, leaving the boys behind, heading towards the small pub where they spend every other friday night, when it isn’t another one of louis and harry’s many anniversaries or another one of gemma’s performances.

 

and they all catch up and ruffle liam’s hair and kiss him on the cheek promising to try harder, saying they get it.

 

(but they don’t get it, do they.)

\----

 

liam spends the first half of the night trying to be a bit more alert, trying not to be such a downer. but.

 

they all notice. all the boys do and. it’s a quiet night. the lads trying to get liam to talk about something, anything, but they can all see the darkness written across his face.

 

and then.

 

the bell above the door rings and liam looks up and.

 

(and fate really like’s to play with him doesn’t it?)

\----

 

(zayn)

 

\----

 

liam sees zayn before he sees the heavy hand wrapped around the back of his neck. and fucking hell, liam smiles so bright he thinks his cheeks are going to crack. but then zayn see’s him. zayn’s coffee colored eyes widen comically, and then he shakes his head slowly, shortly, softly, and liam’s smile falls a bit. but then zayn’s hurt wrist is grab harshly and liam watches as zayn winces while he is dragged over to a table across the bar from liam and pushed into a chair by an unrelenting hand.

 

and liam understands.

 

sees the beefy man lean down and roughly kiss zayn before stalking towards the bar.

 

and liam fucking understands.

 

(breathe liam thinks, fucking breathe)

\----

 

“oi liam is that the lad you fell over the other day?” the boys glance back and forth between liam’s angry face and the boy with a bruised cheek and desperate eyes.

 

“yeah. ‘s zayn.” liam is staring intently at the the raven-haired boy, “I ran into him at the shops also.”

 

the boy jumps when the man zayn came in with stomps over and pushes him further into the booth. zayn hits the wall roughly, head banging into the ruddy wood paneling, eyes closing as he fights off a cringe. the man places his hand on zayn’s neck twisting zayn’s head up for another harsh kiss, and then chugs half a pint. liam growls under his breath.

 

“liam...what’s going on?” harry puts his hands on liam shoulder, rubs gently up and down trying to soothe the heated look off liam’s face. “liam?”

 

liam turns away from the scene across the pub and meets their anxious gazes. and liam doesn’t even know why he’s so angry. he doesn’t know zayn. it’s not his place to care what’s going on at all. and yet.

 

he’s fucking pissed.

 

niall nudges him, quirks an eyebrow in question. liam sighs.

 

“I ran into zayn at shops when I went to pick up the milk right?” niall and harry nod while louis puts a reassuring arm on the small of liam’s back. “right so I’m about to leave when I see zayn, the lad I tripped over in the park, with a fucking split lip and sprained wrist. and like. I offered to wrap it for him right? and I just. I think maybe that guy did it to him. just. I think that’s his boyfriend. maybe. ” they all look back over towards zayn, watch as the bigger guy finishes off his pint. zayn doesn’t have anything to drink or eat. his eyes are closed, and there is a possessive hand wrapped tightly around his shoulders.

 

louis clears his throat, gently says, “liam man... you don’t even know him at all, alright? you don’t know what is or isn’t going on.”

 

and liam doesn’t know how to respond, can’t think of a single thing to say, because louis is right but then.

 

the man turns towards zayn and sees his closed eyes, reaches up and grabs zayn’s chin tightly and roughly tipping his head back. the lads inhale a collective breath, and liam’s lip curls into an angry snarl. zayn’s eyes fly open and his eyes meet liam’s, wild, searching, fearful. they widen even further when he registers who he’s looking at.  

 

and there’s that feeling again. like zayn is whispering into liam, like he is screaming, yelling, begging for something. and liam absolutely crumbles. he’s mad, furious even. how many times had he been to this pub? to those shops? how had he never noticed any of this before? was he really that blind? that self-absorbed? he jumps up from his chair and steps towards zayn but three sets of hands grab him and sit him back down.

 

“liam,” louis hisses, “you can’t just bloody well go over there! who knows what the guy could do to you, or to your boy.” and no, liam thinks, he’s not my boy, he can’t be my boy.

 

(liam watches the man slowly release zayn’s chin and take without asking, his heart flutters and his stomach clenches, and he wished more than anything, that zayn wasn’t anyones boy. was just a boy. just a someone. wishes that zayn’s whispering eyes and desperate gaze didn’t belong to a monster in the form of a man.)

\----

 

the lads are subdued that night on their walk home, trailing behind a fuming liam.

 

and liam?

 

liam has absolutely no idea what he is meant to do.

 

he has no idea why he feels so completely connected to zayn, but he does and all he can think is that maybe it was love at first sight. maybe fate was what tripped liam while he was playing footie. maybe destiny is the feeling squeezing his lungs together and making it hard to breathe.

 

maybe that’s it.

 

(maybe liam has fallen head over heals without even realizing it.)

\----

-2

\----

 

the next time liam sees zayn, the dark haired boy is bent over a pop up version of snow white. he also isn’t wearing the bandages anymore and the swelling around his eye has gone down significantly.

 

liam feels a bit guilty that the first thing he looks for when he spots zayn is fresh injuries.

 

he rounds the corner and makes his steps louder, bumping into a table to create a bit of a ruckus. he doesn’t want to startle zayn again. zayn’s head snaps up and his eyes meets liam. he sighs. closes himself off. turns away from liam slightly, doesn’t meet his eyes again not even when liam is standing right in front of him.

 

“hey man. um. happy holidays, yeah?” liam tries to keep his voice neutral, tries to not make it seem like he’s prying. but. he wants to. zayn huffs in reply and keeps flipping through the book, pulling a tab to make the prince lean down over snow white, kissing her. saving her. like they always do. zayn pulls the tab hard, nearly rips it out of the book before liam’s hand closes around his.

 

liam pulls zayn’s hand off the tab and flips to the next page, filled with sunsets and “off to work we go’s” and happy endings.

 

zayn snaps the book closed and picks up sleeping beauty. another story full of mistakes being made, damsels in distress, brave princes who come in and save the day. bullshit.

 

“you can stop staring at me liam, there’s nothing wrong ok.”

 

liam sighs.

 

“i mean it liam. stop looking at me.” zayn’s voice wavers this time. he lifts his finger and gently strokes snow whites face before pressing into it with his thumb, like he’s trying to smudge the smile right off her perfectly drawn face.

 

liam bends down a bit so he can get a better look at zayn’s face. zayn’s eyes are closed, eye lashes wet. liam sighs.

 

“these stories are shit you know zayn? someone always saving someone else? sometimes you-- you have to save yourself. you can’t sit alone in a tower and wait for someone to slay the dragon for you. you have to do it for yourself. and sometimes you need a bit of help.”

 

zayn’s eyes flutter a bit before opening and glancing at liam tentatively. “there’s no one to help me though liam. the-- the towers too high.” liam's stomach tightens. he shakes his head.

 

“zayn, you can always find help.” liam pulls out his recipe from the store and grabs a pencil from his backpack. “you just have to want it, alright?” he writes his number down on the slip of paper places it on top of the one of the seven dwarves. “always.”

 

zayn doesn’t reply just closes his eyes and turns his face away from liam’s gaze. liam slides his thumb down zayn’s arm to his wrist, strokes the place where he had put bandage just a few weeks earlier.

 

“sometime, you have to try to save yourself, zayn.”

 

with one last glance at zayn’s hunched shoulders, he taps the paper with his number on it again, and walks away.

 

(you have to save yourself.)

 

\----

-1

\----

 

liam’s walking down the street, weeks later, when he runs into zayn again.

 

and it’s not like liam had really expected zayn to call him straight away or anything but that didn’t stop him from worrying. it’s freezing outside, sharp january breeze giving way to soft, floating snowflakes that somehow, actually look like crystals.

 

and then.

 

zayn’s walking towards him, hand in the grasp of a monster. fingerless gloves covering quivering hands, frayed black beanie covering bed head and brown eyes completely blank. and liam can’t believe it.

 

zayn is dragged into a coffee shop, tripping over his own feet.

 

(liam follows them.)

 

\---

 

the shop is brightly lit and zayn is sat by himself at a counter spot sipping something out of a mug. his captor is no where to be seen. zayn’s leaning forward, easing most of his weight on to his forearms as if he doesn’t want to sit down fully.

 

liam bites back a growl and orders a drink. zayn glances around but doesn’t notice liam until--

 

“liam? I have a tall green jasmine for liam?” zayn’s eyes snap to where liam is picking up his drink, and their eyes meet. it feels like a sigh. the bathroom door slams open.

 

liam watches zayn’s crumple. meanders slowly over to pick up his tea, and slowly stirs it at the bar. waiting. watching as zayn. as zayn is. shoved.

 

“what are you lookin’ at mate?” zayn's boyfriend growls at the barista, hand shoving a fiver across the counter. zayn attempts to put a calming hand on his boyfriend's shoulder, but he shrugs it off.

 

zayn’s eyes squeeze shut only for moment before snapping open and glancing back at liam. he turns his whole body away.

 

liam waits. watches. zayn turns to look at him only one more time. it’s as he is being pulled roughly out the door, his eyes spin around searching, find liam’s.

 

and all liam can do is stare at zayn, all he can do is attempt to convey that, _yes i’m here_ , and,  _yes, you can do this._

 

(and then zayn is gone).

\---

0

\---

 

liam startles awake to the blaring sound of his ringtone. He reaches for his phone cursing. It's 3 AM. louis is probably calling him again to bitch about something that could definitely wait till morning or is completely pissed.

 

"louis I swear to god-" liam's sleepy voice is abruptly cut off by a wet cough.

 

"h-hello? is this liam? please tell me this is liam. It's zayn I'm um. I'm doing what you said." a timid voice leaks through the speaker. liam hears zayn take a ragged breath, hears something creak in the background.

 

"zayn. are you hurt? what's going?"

 

"I'm just. I'm doing what you said I had to do. I'm saving myself. And I've decided that I need a bit of help."

 

“that’s perfectly ok zayn. I promise. where are you?”

 

“I’m at a playground...I don’t quite know. It’s near the shops. like near where you wrapped my arm.”

 

“I’m coming zayn. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

 

“ok, don’t. um you don’t have to rush I know it’s the middle of the night and--”

 

liam cuts zayn off, “I’m coming right now ok, zayn?”

 

“ok.”

 

“and zayn?”

 

zayn sighs quietly, “yeah liam?”

 

“I am so, so glad you called. you did it.”

 

(liam stumbles out of bed, tripping over his own feet.)

\---

 

when liam pulls into the playground it’s nearing 3:30 in the morning. he sees a figure hunched over on the swings.

 

liam runs. sprints. falls to his knees in front of zayn. wants nothing more than to grab zayn and squeeze him until he’s better. doesn’t because zayn’s lip is bleeding and liam isn’t sure just how hurt zayn actually is.

 

zayn eyes are wet and wide watching liam’s face. liam notices that his eyebrow is bleeding also.

 

“thanks. I. thanks for coming to get me.” zayn whispers.

 

“thanks for calling me zayn.”

 

liam lifts zayn’s arm over his shoulder and pulls him up. helps him walk over to the car wincing with zayn everytime he pulls too hard somewhere.

 

(and maybe zayn gave himself a happy ending after all.)

 

\---

+1

\---

 

liam stands alone in the living room, staring hard at his reflection in the mirror. his tie is so crooked. it 100% does not go with his shirt. why is he wearing jeans, where in the world are his slacks this is such a bad idea-- his thoughts are caught off when arm wrap around his waist.

 

“liam are you over thinking yourself again?” zayn asks in an amused voice.

 

“what I. of course not, where would you even get that idea from zayn-” liam cuts off with a sigh, “yeah. I mean. it’s your family you know? I don’t even. what am I meant to even say?” zayn smiles.

 

“you just smile all pretty and say that you like whatever my mum makes you”

 

liam smiles and bends down to pick up the small bag of presents. a pop up version of brave sticks out of the top.

 

they walk out of the room, not a to a happily ever after because those never quite exist, but to something else. something better.

 

(a different kind of forever.)

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> and on this note, i exit the 1d fandom. it was a truly wild ride fam. see u on the flippity flop (aka when h/l comes out bc lets be real.)


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